Jay is a native Californian who just happened to be born in the Bronx, where he attended the legendary Bronx High School of Science. This famous high school is not the place to go to learn to be a writer, but it was an excellent school if you wanted to be a geek. Originally, this was Jay's life ambition.

At seven, he, like the geeks he idolized, chose to wear horn-rimmed frames. Fortunately, by the time he was nineteen a brilliant opthalmologist (Dr. Fleischner) sat Jay down and said something brilliant to him. It was along the lines of, "Son, it's time we put some lenses in those frames. You're as blind as a mole." So the doctor put lenses in the frames. Otherwise, Jay would still be walking around with just the frames and bumping into furniture. (Moral: If you're a geek nobody notices when you bump into furniture, especially your parents.)

By law, if you graduate from the legendary Bronx High School of Science you must become a legendary something, so Jay attended Columbia University's legendary electrical engineering program. It was there, at Columbia, that Jay discovered his true calling. Getting into college. Jay was an okay student, but he was great at getting into college. He embarked upon a lifelong career, eventually getting into four universities. Each university awarded Jay a degree with the understanding that he would not come back, send them email, call them or write them letters without enclosing a check.

Unfortunately, getting accepted to universities does not qualify as a high-paying job and Jay was forced into involuntary servitude, first as a computer programmer where Jay discovered his second calling. He could write very funny computer programs. His programs didn't work worth a whit, but the comments in the programs, notes to his teachers and other programmers so they could understand what he was doing, were hysterical. Professors made him write programs just so they could go home at night and read the comments, laugh, and steal Jay's jokes for their lectures.

Jay became a legendary funny programmer and in no time realized here was a job at which he could excel. Unfortunately, the market for funny comments in computer programs was not quite as large as the market for computer programs that actually worked. People would laugh at the program, then cry when it didn't work, then hit Jay with things ranging from worn pocket protectors to lawsuits. This is when it dawned on Jay that he would have to get a job.

Fortunately, he found an advertising agency that needed somebody who could write ads for computers. This seemed like a very limited market because Jay was convinced that the purchasing power of computers was very limited and that they had better things to do than read magazines. (Hint: They, too, liked Jay's funny computer program comments.) However, when a computer got stuck and ordered three hundred and thirty two million number two pencils for the high school students in Biloxi, Mississippi (population: a lot less than that), Jay realized the enormous purchasing power of computers and he took the job.

The rest is history, mainly because while the ads were very funny, computers have no sense of humor. Jay would write, "Strike while the iron is hot," and the computers, taking every word literally (as computers are wont to do), replied, "Strike? We're not even unionized." So, Jay left another legendary career (Hint: legendary as in disastrous.) and turned to a life of serious writing.

For about a day and a half.

One night, looking over his old computer program comments, he realized that if he wrote them down in order, they made a very funny story. He started writing comments in order, and the next thing he knew he had a bunch of stories and a couple of plays and a regular weekly column, a Web site and a new pair of glasses. Jay now lives in Los Angeles where he feels at home because he is surrounded by other writers, including the guy who picks up his garbage.